Blood Loser

Drained of blood, lunch, energy, and most of all pride, I narrowly escaped the health fair Thursday. Our high school drafts all seniors to donate blood. If they can't for some reason, they must get a sub. Eric was a sub for a tattooed student, but, due to recent health problems, could not donate. Therefore, I became tattoo sub.

4:00 Arrival Time: They asked me all sorts of innocence stealing questions to which I just wanted to say, "Mormon. Does that cover it?"

4:15 Donation Time:

Nurse: "Betty, come look at these veins. I'm not comfortable with these. They look too small."

Betty: "Did you see this one? It's ideal."

Nurse: "Oh, no! I didn't even notice that one"

Me: Big smile. (On the inside) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:30 Done and feeling fine

4:31 Hmm... can't hear anything, sweaty, cold, no... hot?

The next hour and 29 minutes consisted of concentrating on not passing out while my students told me how horrible I looked.

6:00

Nurse: "Since you've been here so long, we have to take your blood pressure and fill out this form. Don't worry. This happens more than you'd think."

Me: "Okay, good. I'm sorry for all the trouble."

Nurse: "Betty! How do you fill out this sheet? I've never had to do one before."

6:05

My principal donates in the seat next to me while the other seats are filled with students. Luckily Eric had made it there by then.

6:10

Nurse: "She says she feels fine. Can we let her go? Oh. Never mind. She's puking."

6:30

Nurse: "Good to go. If you have any other complications... seek medical attention." AKA please leave before we get sued.

They had to get my blood pressure back up to within 30 digits of what it was before I came before they could let me go. Two and a half hours later, I was finally home. I hate to use "Ugh" (cuz who really says that and why the fancy "h" on the end?) but, UGH!

Silly Rabbit, Cauliflower is for Kids!

Anyone who has stepped into my childhood bedroom will understand my obsession with bunnies. It's so full of adorable bunny decorations that you start blinking bunnies upon exiting. I also have several experiences with the cuties. Most of them tragic.

In short, I've learned:

1. Rabbits are prey and foxes are predators.

2. Cauliflower also happens to be a predator.

3. Rabbits hate everything fun... including me.

My observations of rabbit behavior led me to the uncomfortable conclusion that I, in fact, am a rabbit.

Observation #1: Rabbits are weenies.

Example) I invented a ramp that would allow my bunny to run out of his cage to get some exercise. I left the door open, he tiptoed halfway down, froze, panicked, and sprinted back into his cage. I walked away. Four hours later, he was still in the corner of his cage.

Observation #2: Anna is a weenie.

Example) Recently at a teacher conference in Casper, I passed by a bowl of Reese's cups one, two, three times. Oh, I needed that cup. Alas, they lay on a demonstrator's table surrounded by free pens (also enticing), pamphlets, and a poster. I couldn't bear taking one without obligating myself to her spiel, so I walked on by. Eric's six pens sticking out from his back pocket, however, prove he's no sissy.

Observation #3: Rabbits are cute, soft, completely un-cuddly, smart alecs.

Example) My bunny supposedly has velvety fur. I wouldn't know, however, unless I killed it and sewed it into mittens. One pat on the head and you'd think he'd just been seen naked the way he bolts away. Then, the tireless taunting. "Ooh, I'm so soft and cute. Watch me bend my ear down. Bet you'd love to feel how soft my shiny fur is. Just a little closer... Jump, oh oops! Were you trying to pet me?"

Observation #4: Anna is cute, soft, completely un-cuddly, and a smart alec.

Example) Hugging students makes me uncomfortable. Teasing students sarcastically makes me too comfortable. Sitting around comfortably makes me soft.

Observation #5: Rabbits are easily entertained.

Example) Rabbit #1 (Bernerd) used to love to sit on the heater when the air came through.

Observation #6: Anna is easily entertained.

Example) I used to stop whatever I was doing to watch Bernerd sit on the heater when the air came through.

Although we rarely touch, rabbits and I share a profound bond.