Teen Trends

As a high school teacher, I like to pretend I'm in the know with everything popular right now.  BTW, saying "in the know", so not popular right now.  Here are my observations for anyone who wants to stay awesome.

Things trending right now:

1.  The term "trending"
2.  Using the word "epic" as a synonym for "awesome".  So much so that I finally made my students read The Odyssey, so they'd stop thinking epic meant awesome.  I, however, think The Odyssey is quite epic.
3.  Mustaches.  Even for girls.  Why have I been waxing mine all these years?
4.  "Like a boss."  I'm glad bosses are finally getting the credit they deserve.
5.  Energy drinks.  Especially during my class.  Hmm...
6.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  They were before my time, but not before 90s kids' time.
7.  The Zombie Apocalypse.  For some, more pressing than a high school diploma.  I guess small brains would have the advantage, though.
8.  Tattoos
9.  Procrastination as endearing.
10.  Ninjas
11.  Chuck Norris.  Although, he knew he was trending even before hipsters knew he was trending.

And, that's all you need to know to have a conversation with a teenager, like a boss.

Little Fatty

My question to Eric? "Uh...did you know having a baby was going to be this hard?" His answer, "Yeah (obviously)." Well, thanks for the warning, world! I never had to live with a baby before! I AM the baby! My realizations?

-Sure, you can sleep while your baby sleeps. Oh, and babies sleep all the time. That is, when they are in your arms or at 10:00 in the morning or 6:00 at night.

-If you don't formula feed, you are the bottle. That means they are crying for you and while hitting dad at 4:00 AM seems satisfying, it won't do anything.

-Little teeny tiny clothes can actually overflow a laundry room within hours.

-Babies have the midas touch, if you replace gold with spit up and other pleasantries.

-I think I have what you call an "easy baby," which frightens me.

-The strangest realization is that the very things that make babies hard make them the most endearing, adorable, lovable creatures on earth. Motherhood has been the best part of life so far besides wife-hood. I highly encourage baby hunger.

In fact, my more viable realizations have been:

-If Liam's arguments are half as charming as his smile, I'm in some trouble.

-Babies can even make toots seem cute.

-The biggest reason why I don't get sleep is because I want to take in every moment of that little guy.

I recently went back to work. I had forgotten how much I loved being in the classroom, so it was fun to reenter the working world, but leaving Lamb-ee has been really hard. I managed to convince some students that I just left Liam home alone with some bottles in the fridge during the week. I can't decide if I should be offended by how easily they believed me. Luckily, we have an excellent babysitter who lives just around the corner. While I'll miss teaching, I am counting down the days to when I can just be Liam's mom. It's too hard to balance both!

My fatigue shows at school and home. More and more often, a student will wave at me to break my wide-eyed sleepy trance while I'm watching them complete assignments. At home, I can't stay awake past 8:30 and have finally come to value sleep over food... unbelievable.

I'm lucky that Liam makes everything worthwhile. Just look at him! (Disclaimer: I realize that this video clip is probably not as entertaining to you as it is to me. But, as a mom, I receive the right of passage to show long, boring videos of my baby that only I could watch over and over)

A Christmas Story

Our little dumpling came just in time for Christmas and exactly one month early. Not yet too comfortable with life outside the confines of the womb, he struggles to see the practicality of clothing. Every non-nightgown outfit we try on him results in a survival-mode starfish position. He looks just like the famous snowsuit boy on A Christmas Story.

Ya see?

Even in Grandma's arms.

Dear Blank Please Blank

One day my students showed me a witty website called dearblankpleaseblank.com. While some of the entries are inappropriate and just plain dumb, many are comical and eye-opening. Eric and I decided to submit some of our own:

Dear NBA,

Please whine more about your "lousy" compensation.

Sincerely,

Your teacher

Dear Marijuana Vendors,

Tylenol cures headaches too.

Sincerely,

I still have my limbic system

Dear Students,

Do you not see the irony of replacing your Fahrenheit 451 reading assignment with Spark Notes?

Sincerely,

Bradbury saw this coming, dummy.

We think we're so funny.

The Loony Bin

Do you feel like you're losing touch with those around you? Do you often forget words in the middle of a... um... you know... that thing with words in it? Do you find it hard to follow casual conversation, movies, books, thoughts, or commercials? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be getting old. If you answered yes to all of these questions, you must be pregnant.

I used to tease my mom about getting old, then I stopped cuz I uh...hold on... I used to tease her but then I, oh I'll think of it later.

Turns out absentmindedness is a legitimate pregnancy symptom. It also turns out that I have a severe case of it. The other day I drove to Mountain View (10 min. away) to pick up a pizza. I got there and realized I didn't have my wallet. So, I drove all the way home in a huff, ran into the house, and still couldn't find it. In frustration I shoved my hand in my jacket pocket and voila. I had had my wallet all along in the hidden vault of my front pocket. No wonder I couldn't find it.

My form of communication has flipped from intelligible speech, to general pantomimes. Who knew Eric was a... what's that one game where you act things out? Charades. Who knew Eric was such a charades wizard?

Most of my stories go like this: "The other day I was looking at funny baby shirts. Like uh, Eric, what was that one? No... the other one. Oh, forget it. They were funny though." It really takes the dramatic effect and the downright purpose out of anything I try to communicate.

I even had a nightmare that I had forgotten I had a baby. Then I woke up and for a moment couldn't remember where I'd put the baby until I found it in my womb.

I've realized that I'm going to be either pregnant or getting old for the rest of my life now. This is only the beginning of my mental decline. Goodbye brain, hello sticky notes.

Happy Birthday, Sugar!

We just celebrated Eric's 27th birthday in Park City. I married an old, old man. I sure love that wrinkly little devil. Happy birthday, Puddin'.